Surrender

Over the past few weeks, I've been dealing with uneasiness regarding a relationship in my life.  I felt like I was doing all the right things for everyone involved striving to meet the needs of the relationship, but deep down I was struggling.  There were times I couldn't contain my concern and we just couldn't seem to come up with  a collaborative way to help the situation. I would blame my worry and negative emotions on the actions of others reminding myself if they would just change one little thing it would help so much.

This week only worsened the situation and I had an increasing anxiety about it.  I was trying to figure out what was wrong and what actions I could take to change the situation.  The actions I took only made the person withdraw even more consequently increasing my anxiety. Thursday night I was at the peak of my anxiety crying asking God what to do, what could change to make it better. At that moment, I thought I was upset because of the actions of the other person, but I WAS WRONG--I just didn't see it then.  After much prayer and tears that night, I felt relief that I had come to point where my feelings were out in the open with God, even though I know he is all knowing. I began to contemplate on what the other person could be feeling and how my actions could have forced that person away.  My neediness for a "relationship fix" only made the problem more prominent. I had come to a place of understanding, or so I thought.  Fortunately, God can continue to show you things even when you think there is nothing else to see or understand.

Saturday night I sang in choir at church.  I was feeling good, but the whole situation was still in the back of my head--perhaps because I had made these revelations in my head, but I had not shared them with the other person involved. We sang three songs and a choir special 1. Love the Lord your God 2. Let Our Song Be a Sweet Aroma of Praise and 3. Lord I Give You My Heart.  Why is this important?  Because it was about surrender.  What had I not done in this relationship? Surrendered it to God.  I was so invested in making it work and making the other person see why I was upset, that I failed to see God's purpose for the relationship.  I was striving to do all the right things for what reason?  Selfish reward.  I wanted to prove that I could make this relationship work.  Although on the surface it seemed that I was having a power struggle with the other person, it was actually a power struggle with God.  I wasn't crying Thursday night because I was upset due to the actions of the other person, I was upset because I couldn't find a way to do it within my control.

Today I feel revived in the spirit of surrender and confident that the future of my relationships are in the hands of God Almighty.  By his grace my eyes were opened and I am forever thankful.  I challenge everyone to surrender their heart, soul, and mind to Christ.  Don't hold back and attempt at having control.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and future." Jeremiah 29:11

What a powerful thing to know that we have the Creator of the world to molds us and provide hope and   a future.  My prayer is that I'm continually open to learning how to Live, Laugh, and Love--God's Way.

Amanda